There's no nice way to get into what I have to tell you.
and I are not together anymore.
Now don't get too upset, there is a reason for this. And I know this is going to be a wall of text, but I would appreciate it if you did read it, or at least skimmed it. I want you to understand what happened, and that nothing is sour between us. (The final two paragraphs will be important though.)
Boiled down to a simple point, long-distance relationships are hard. There's a lot of emotional stress involved. And sometimes, it all just comes to a breaking point.
At the start of our relationship 6 years ago, we craved being with each other. Skype calls that lasted for hours every single night, trying to find ways to get together constantly, writing stories for each other...just all of that sort of stuff trying to feel less lonely. And whenever we did get together, I'll be the first to admit we were beyond saccharine sweet with each other.
The relationship was horrifically painful for me. I crave closeness, I love physical contact. In a desperate bid to protect my emotional and mental state I tried forming a mental wall of sorts between myself and those feeling of loss and loneliness. It didn't work great, but I could pretend I was okay.
And then over the last two years, I started noticing some things. Shadow started doing a lot of work with his others friends. Now I have no problem with that, I'm very happy that he has so many wonderful friends and fans, but I started to feel neglected. I was hurting more and more, and it got harder and harder to hear him say he was busy when I really wanted or even needed to talk with him. So in response, I tried to be supportive from a distance and not bother him.
That was absolute hell for me. It hurt so bad, feeling like I had to cut myself off from him. I tried to talk to him about, and we tried to change things, but it kept falling back into the same exact slump. I started building the wall even higher.
I never told Shadow this, but I still cried at least once a week. I felt like that was an unfair burden to him to carry while dealing with his career as well. And I am sorry for that. It's not good to ignore feelings like that.
Now during the last year, I started feeling less hurt. I didn't mind not speaking to him. I was happy doing my own thing. We got together once last summer, and I found that while it was nice, I really wasn't seeking the attention from him that I usually would. I was quite content doing my own thing. It was surprisingly stressful for me to have to share a room with him. I didn't neglect or ignore him, but I found I was craving solitude again because I was constantly worrying about trying to make sure he was having a good time.
After he left for home, you cannot imagine my relief. Which actually surprised me. I've always enjoyed my alone time, but this was the first time that I've ever truly welcomed it with open arms. And again, we didn't start calling each other again the second he got back home. We were happier as individuals.
I saw the trouble on the horizon. The relationship was going down. I did try to save it, I called him and told him how I felt. We both agreed things were getting really rocky. And still we didn't change our behavior. To me at least, it felt like he was okay with the relationship coming to an end, and I was oddly okay with it too.
As you probably know, Shadow and I attended PonyCon 2016 together. For me, this was also a test to see if we could still make the relationship work. And while it was wonderful to see him again, the proof was there. We didn't enjoy our time together as much as we enjoyed doing our own thing.
Here's the important point to all of this. The break off was mutual. There's no bad blood between us, and we don't hate each other. I think the long-distance romance just naturally devolved back into a really good friendship all on its own. That being said, our pony OCs FlutterWolf and Shadow Rush are still romantically involved, and there's certainly no love lost between Kami and Sandvich or any other of Shadow's other characters. The real life people just realized the relationship was no longer a good one.
Thank you for reading all of this. I know it's a lot, and so close after Valentine's/Hearts and Hooves Day, but sometimes the world works weird. Feel free to ask me anything you don't understand, I don't mind at all. And don't feel the need to walk around on eggshells around either of us. There's still heartache involved because we were so close, but we're okay with this and each other. And we still love each other, it's just a different form of love.
Mega-Absol Art by :WolfSpirit07:
Mega-Absol (c) Nintendo